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Lonely

I am lonely.
It's not like I don't have any friends.  I do, I have some really good friends.
I have a best friend that I never talk to because we are both too busy with life and ministry and families.
I have a bunch of mommy friends that I see occasionally.
I have a friend that I see three times a week, but it's in passing and we don't share a depth of relationship that I wish we could.
I have ministry friends that I get to see once or twice a year.
I have an amazing husband who is the greatest friend I could ask for, but in all this I'm lonely.

We began this journey toward church planting in March of 2010. (Though in reality it began so much longer ago than that.)  It seems as though God has given us the "slow track" rather than the "fast pass" that He has offered some others.  You see, many church planters feel a sense of urgency and it requires them to take immediate action which means leaving jobs, family, friends and sometimes moving.  He gives a "call" to a certain people, or place and the church planter responds accordingly.  Then to others there's a slow steady burn of desire.  This desire turns into intentionality and that intentionality gives birth to a passion and a planter.  Both are wonderful ways to be called into this crazy world of church planting.  I think that this slower paced version of church planting that we have been called to, though perfect for us, is a lonely path.  Why?  Well, for two reasons.  First, not many take this route.  If I look at the people in discovery lab with us two years ago, none have taken this path except us.  There have been three discovery labs since ours and as far as I know none of them have taken this journey.  Second, since coming back last year from strategy lab and telling our friends and family that this was our plan a distance has grown relationally with all of our friends.  It's like taking off a band-aid very, very slowly.  In some ways I would certainly prefer the "rip it off" method, and I would be lying if I didn't say that I ask God sometimes why He chose this path for us.  I know that His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways. (Is. 55:8)  I see only a part of His perfect plan and timing for our family.  We will enter into church planting without the burden of debt.  We will leave our church family prepared as best we can for success with youth ministry.  Our children are a little older and more self sufficient than when we first began this journey.  I see all of these blessings and know that God is in control of them.  So I don't doubt that this slow track is the path for us.  It's just lonely, and I know that even in my loneliness  He can mold and shape me for His purposes.



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